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overdrivesix
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Name: Eric
Country: United States
State: Michigan
Metro: Grand Rapids
Birthday: 10/5/1987
Gender: Male
Interests: The Creator. The Redeemer. The Counselor. The Family. The Church. The Music.
Expertise: I hope to make it love one day.
Occupation: Death. I am a death-dealer.
Industry: Death.
Message: message me
AIM:  fightonyoshimi
Member Since:
1/8/2004
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| after being like a bad boyfriend, being off and on and off and on for the longest time, I find myself returning to her (xanga) and making sweet, blogging love to her once more. I'm not going to say I missed her. that would be a lie. I'm just admitting that we did have some good ol' times together. there's so much of my history on this thing. it's rather frightening. haha, I would always find myself complaining about my lack of cohesive record-keeping. yet, here it is staring me in the face. so, I'm checkin' her out once more, and she looks pretty hot.
so much has happened. well, that's kind of a redundant statement. of course a lot happens in a year. there's a lot that happens in the common minute. but how well do we pay attention? this is my senior year. I'm about to cross another threshold of life, one that I do not feel prepared for, but since when is humanity prepared for the future? I'm about to graduate, and while I'm not scared, I know that I'm not ready. it's kind of like learning how to drive and being jealous of all the people who already have licenses, wishing that you could just skip the hard part of being tested. you just have to remember that plenty of other people have gone on before you and are fine. plenty of people have graduated college, Eric, and are living awesome lives.
my plan of action after I walk is to head overseas, more specifically to Germany. I wanted to go to France, but those French bastards are pretty stingy about letting people in to teach English. so, since I'm staying with a friend who has connections in Deutschland, I've decided to employ is connectedness and make a venture over there. truth be told, I just need to get over there somehow. I'm young and unattached. there will never be a better time than the present. I'm going to take advantage of it like I take advantage of xanga. ooh, too much? my friend, who's name is Todd, was telling me of "Irish" pubs in cities that have a working language of English, that is, you don't work in German. so, it's plenty easier to get a job at a place like that and learn German as you go than anything. speaking of which, I should probably email a pub or something. -exhale- so that's my plan.
I'm still working at Starbucks. I'm also an editor for a lovely lady named Beth. she owns this small media group that is geared towards new media interaction with women and mothers. it's a lot of fun, but I'm kind of scared about how everything will come together once classes start again (in two days). I've got a very heavy semester, or at least that's what it looks like judging on the class names and from what I already know about the professors. I might have to talk to a couple of them and see how well they will cooperate with me being insanely busy, especially Schreck. she should be understanding. I should email her. right now. end of post. | | |
| yeah. it's been a while. I know. I don't know. I lied. I don't know. I just get so busy. school was nuts this semester, and speaking of which, I still need to finish registering for next semester. but, enough about school. two sentences of school is enough for me. so much for break, I say. I'm working six days this week, and if missing someone/people counts too, then I'm working roughly four full-time jobs. nice. no, it's not that bad. I've been having to get up early recently, and that does not bode well, both physically and mentally, but when I really stop and think about it, it's not a big deal. I could be wasting away my break, doing nothing and getting fat. lovely. at least I'm doing something. my whole creativity schpiel that I had over the summer is starting to creep up on me again. I'm working on this art project that I've finished half of, but fear keeps me from beginning the other half. I know I should. it's quite enjoyable to work on it, but I'm afraid. perfectionism. there are a couple of books I'd like to start reading, but I can't bring myself to start them either. I think it's the starting part that is the hardest. I mean, I'm sure if I got into them, it wouldn't be that big of a deal to follow through and finish (and thereby, enjoy) them. I just have to get going. I don't do anything but work and sleep lately, but I wish I could find a creative way to exercise. outside is not so hot, and inside is crammed because of boxes and clutter everywhere. I just need a "happy place." I just coughed up a storm. yeah, I'm sick. I was watching Forrest Gump last night, and while I was laughing, my lungs had a hissy fit and I coughed uncontrollably for five minutes. a horrible thing if you ask me. oh, whatever. writing in this thing is starting to get boring already. if you want to know how I am, live with me or something. haha. I'll be home for Christmas. God be praised, hopefully by and through me. amen. | | |
| haha. yeah. I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Grand Rapids, Michigan (of all places), supposedly studying for ENG 240, but I'm writing this instead. it's exactly 5 pm EST. my mind is better than when I left school. up it: my heart is better than when I left school. you ask for peace, and it comes, and you're like, "what the hell?! it's not that hard! why didn't I just do it before?!" yet...there is a difference between peace and distraction. I have to wonder which is better in the moment. I'm sure that one can beget the other, but the latter is more substantial I feel. the drive here to GR was boss. revelation came to me: mettle is proven by steadfastness, yet steadfastness is the hardest to maintain. we are amused and attentive to movement; we like to be interested, to be entertained, to find something new, or even just to enjoy something (or someone) that's new-ish. what has proven and tested is what is worth it. i.e. Ben came home with me. he does not entertain me. he does not interest me in the sense that we don't have to be continually doing something to maintain our relations. I'm not interested in what he can give me on the entertainment spectrum. it's not a feel good relationship. yet, we can sit in silence, we can get irritated, and we can revel in Something greater than ourselves. we don't have to like each other (or be on good terms with each other) all the time. that's worth it. to me, that's so damn worth it. now, carry that over in the romantic sense. I want someone (and want to be someone) who says, "look here. I've stood and I've stood in this very spot for you. I'm not flashy, and any flash you see if from the brilliance of God reflecting off any polish He has graced me with. impressing people isn't my forté, but perseverence is. that's not what little boys/girls are made of. that's what I'm made of." I guess the challenge is to myself, a challenge that calls me to stop trying to move. it's easy to fall in love with a TV-watcher, one who can be enthralled with the perpetual motion of image on the screen. it keeps their interest, but they have a short attention span: watch an avid TV-watcher sit in silence for a minute. in my gut, I feel as if humanity is called to a deeper sense of patience than is placed before us. what if some of society's rejected have it right half the time. then, we're half wrong, which is still wrong. I'm getting a tattoo tomorrow. ladies: I'm now taking applications for brief, 10-second viewings and gawkings. bring your own drool containter. the charge is two Jones Natural beverages, one for me, and the other for my benefactor in this matter. | | |
| in Shakespeare, we're talking about "coagulate gore." 3:48 pm. autumn has kissed me, finally. she caresses my face with the soft and serene "spirit." (think about the Greek). the sky is bluer than the bluest of eyes I've ever seen. all they need is a touch of white, shapes to carry the time with their passing. confession: I really have to pee. there's half an hour left in class and I'm tempted to get up just so I don't have to feel this full bladder any longer. second confession: I just did. I came to class with all the adrenaline my glands could offer, hyped up off of coffee and car rides with Haste the Day and in hurried fashion. I think it's fun to live in a cinematic fashion, yet, it comes with a price: I feel a tad shallow. I feel shallow often, I think. it's as if everything else in my life, or, rather, "around" my life is valid and justified. it's just me that's fluid and transcendent. I feel like Hamlet, caught between my trust in rationale and my desire to live off impulse. "I can feel the pressure." the tension is an interesting one. this rollercoaster of life is making me nauseous. up, down. up, down. let me just roll with the punches, everyone. has anyone ever thought about walking around without ever looking down at the sidewalk? maybe we could be more aware of the entirety of God's creation that surrounds us, people plus nature. it's a wonderful thing. | | |
| October fourth. my mother was in labor 20 years ago. oh, the pain she must have been going through. and then, me. I was at my store with friend Ben earlier this evening talking about everything under the sun that is worth wasting words over: life, love, the pursuit of happiness, and how God orchestrates it all. we talking about love, as in, perfect love, and how we're meant to let perfect love trickle down and make itself known in the different facets, i.e. romantic love, familial love, brotherly love. combine all of our finite loves and you just might get a picture of God. the love of your children (for you parents out there). 20 years ago, I was but an unwritten story. I was new, new at living. now, I'm seasoned. I have this longing desire to just love in as many ways as possible, and it's only because of her that I am moved so by love, both the LORD's and hers. ha, you done good, Mom. I'm 20 years into it, and I think I get it. the mistakes? who cares. I love the LORD, and that's all that matters; by your actions, I now know. thanks doesn't do anything for the sake of gratitude. Mom, here's to you on my birthday. I love you. | | |
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